Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
operation harelip BJ is a go
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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