i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
