Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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