I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
