lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
