You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
