Can Purell be used as lube?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
