Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
