her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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