Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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