god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
