awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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