too bad you live with your parents still
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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