I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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