talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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