i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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