Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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