what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
