there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
