We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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