Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I am naked and annoyed.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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