Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
