Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
