I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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