Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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