come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
