Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
