Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
