I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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