high people should be assigned attendants
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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