pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
