Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
