I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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