thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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