Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
