dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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