i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
