"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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