Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
