And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
