I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
