the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
