So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
why do cheetos always look like penises
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
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