Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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