She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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