I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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