problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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