He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
