shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
