i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
im holly from the hills drunk
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
